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ESTRELLA: BITTERSWEET FREEDOM FOR A “BAD MEXICAN” 

MARIA: THIS STORY CONTAINS DESCRIPTIONS OF SEXUAL ASSAULT AND VIOLENCE SO TAKE CARE.

AMBI

MARIA: IT’S ALMOST 11 AT NIGHT. AND I’M STANDING AT A BUS STATION IN MEXICO CITY. ON A SATURDAY IN AUGUST.

MARIA: I’M JUST LIKE FILLED WITH ENERGY. I’M EXCITED. 

MARIA:THE FLOORS ARE STILL WET FROM A DAY OF TORRENTIAL RAINS. I’VE BEEN HERE FOR ABOUT TWO HOURS. STARING AT EACH INCOMING BUS.

MARIA:  THERE’S ONE MORE COMING. 

MARIA: I AM WATCHING TRAVELERS TRICKLE OUT OF BUSES, GREETING FRIENDS AND FAMILY. SEEING IF I SPOT THE WOMAN I’M LOOKING FOR: ESTRELLA.

MARIA:  SO IT IS NOW 12:30 PAST MIDNIGHT. THIS MEANS ESTRELLA HAS BEEN ON THE BUS FOR OVER 24 HOURS 

MARIA: ABOUT AN HOUR LATER: THERE IT IS, FINALLY. BUS 8130 FROM TAPACHULA, CHIAPAS. PULLING INTO THE STATION. AND I SPRINT TOWARD THE BUS.

MARIA:  ESTRELLA! I’M ACTING LIKE A TOTAL CRAZY PERSON. OH MY GOD.

MARIA: THE DOORS OPEN. AND AFTER A FEW MINUTES I SEE ESTRELLA’S FACE. SHE’S LOOKING EXHAUSTED BUT ALSO RELIEVED.

MARIA: [SCREAMING / LAUGHING]

ESTRELLA: OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD. 

MARIA: [SCREAMING / LAUGHING]

ESTRELLA:  ESTABAS AQUÍ ESPERÁNDOME. 

MARIA: I HAVE KNOWN THIS WOMAN FOR ALMOST A DECADE. WE’VE SEEN OUR FACES THROUGH A GLASS SEPARATION, THROUGH BARS. WE’VE ALSO TALKED OVER THE PHONE SO MANY TIMES I’VE LOST COUNT. BUT TONIGHT IS THE VERY FIRST TIME WE’VE EVER TOUCHED.

MARIA:  I CAN’T BELIEVE WE’RE TOGETHER. 

MARIA:IT IS OUR VERY FIRST HUG.

MARIA: WE’RE TOGETHER. 

MARIA: BECAUSE ESTRELLA… HAS LIVED IN PRISON FOR THE ENTIRE TIME THAT I’VE KNOWN HER,

MARIA: NO HAY REJAS. 

ESTRELLA: AY, NO. NO MORE LOCKED DOORS. NO MORE LOCKED DOORS.

MARIA: FROM LATINO USA AND FUTURO INVESTIGATES, I’M MARIA HINOJOSA. TODAY, WE BRING YOU THE STORY OF ESTRELLA: AN UNDOCUMENTED TRANSGENDER WOMAN FROM MEXICO, CAUGHT UP IN THIS COUNTRY’S CRIMINAL AND IMMIGRATION SYSTEMS. I HAVE BEEN FOLLOWING HER STORY FOR ALMOST A DECADE. SINCE 2017, WHEN ESTRELLA WAS ARRESTED INSIDE A COURTROOM BY IMMIGRATION AND CUSTOMS ENFORCEMENT OFFICER DURING THE FIRST TRUMP ADMINISTRATION.HER CASE WAS A BELLWETHER FOR THE BRUTAL CRACKDOWN THAT WOULD FOLLOW.

MARIA: HER STORY ALSO GAVE US A GLIMPSE INTO WHAT LIFE IS LIKE FOR TRANS WOMEN BEHIND BARS. BOTH IN IMMIGRATION DETENTION CENTERS AND PRISON.

ESTRELLA: TODO LO QUE YO HE VIVIDO, YO TE LO VOY A CONTAR TAL Y COMO ES. 

MARIA: OVER THE YEARS I REALIZED, ESTRELLA WAS ONE OF THE MOST EXTRAORDINARY PEOPLE I’VE EVER MET. AND AFTER COUNTLESS PHONE CALLS, AND VISITS … OUR RELATIONSHIP DEEPENED IN WAYS I DIDN’T EXPECT. SHE TAUGHT ME ABOUT FINDING JOY IN THE DARKEST TIMES AND IN THE DARKEST OF PLACES. AND YES, THIS CHALLENGES THE OLD NORMS OF WHAT A RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN A JOURNALIST AND HER SOURCE SHOULD LOOK LIKE. I MEAN…. IT WAS BECAUSE OF HER THAT MY SON MET HIS FIANCE. IT WAS ON A REPORTING TRIP TO SEE HER. AND.. ESTRELLA  GOT MY NAME TATTOOED ON HER FOREARM…WHICH I’LL GET INTO LATER. SO YES, OUR RELATIONSHIP IS NOT NORMAL

ESTRELLA:  ME TATUÉ TU NOMBRE, ME PUSE MARÍA HINOJOSA.

MARIA: WE’RE GONNA GET INTO ALL OF THAT THIS EPISODE. PLUS WE LOOK AT WHAT IT MEANS TO FINISH SERVING A CRIMINAL SENTENCE WHEN YOU’RE AN UNDOCUMENTED IMMIGRANT. HOW FREEDOM FOR A TRANS WOMAN LIKE ESTRELLA IS TENUOUS AND BITTERSWEET.

MARIA: IN MID JULY 2026 ESTRELLA WAS SERVING THE LAST DAYS OF HER 9-YEAR SENTENCE FOR FRAUD . SHE GOT A VISIT FROM THE GUARDS TELLING HER THAT HER TIME AT A PRISON IN NORTH TEXAS WAS COMING TO AN END. BUT SHE WOULD HAVE TO LEAVE IN SHACKLES.

ESTRELLA:  ESPOSADA DE MANOS, CINTURA Y PIES. 

MARIA: SHACKLES ON HER WAIST, HANDS, AND FEET. THE REASON: AFTER FINISHING HER SENTENCE, ESTRELLA WAS GOING FROM BEING UNDER THE CUSTODY OF THE STATE OF TEXAS, TO BEING IN CUSTODY OF THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT. ICE. AFTER SHE WAS CUFFED, ESTRELLA WENT THROUGH A PROCESS THAT HAS BEEN AROUND FOR A WHILE, BUT HAS BECOME COMMONPLACE  FOR UNDOCUMENTED IMMIGRANTS TARGETED BY THE TRUMP ADMINISTRATION. A DIZZYING JOURNEY OF BUS RIDES AND TRANSFERS FROM ONE IMMIGRATION DETENTION CENTER TO ANOTHER IN TEXAS. FREEZING COLD CELLS. HUNGER. ISOLATION AND INSULTS. AND, MOST UNNERVING OF ALL OF THAT WAS THE UNCERTAINTY.

MUSIC

MARIA: ESTRELLA WOULD FACE THREE WEEKS OF THAT.

ESTRELLA: EXTRAÑO MI CASA MI ESPACIO. EXTRAÑO MI CELDA CINCUENTA Y TRES. 

MARIA: SHE TOLD ME OVER THE PHONE THAT BEING DETAINED BY ICE WAS SO TERRIBLE, SHE ACTUALLY MISSED HER HOME IN PRISON. SHE MISSED HER SPACE. CELL 53. IN PRISON, ESTRELLA MADE A POINT TO ALWAYS LOOK PRETTY FABULOUS. SHE MISSED HER EARRINGS, HER MAKEUP, HER HAIRDOS. EVERYTHING THAT MADE HER FEEL LIKE HERSELF. SHE DIDN’T HAVE ANY OF THAT IN ICE DETENTION.

ESTRELLA:  EXTRAÑO MIS ARETES, EXTRAÑO MIS PULSERAS, EL NO PODERME MAQUILLAR, EL NO PODER HACERME MIS PEINADOS EXTRAVAGANTES.

MARIA: UNDER ICE CUSTODY, ESTRELLA TOLD ME SHE WASN’T GIVEN ACCESS TO A SHOWER IN 5 DAYS. SHE ENDED UP IN THE NOTORIOUS DETENTION CAMP KNOWN AS PORT ISABEL IN SOUTHEAST TEXAS. WHICH FOR YEARS HAS BEEN ACCUSED OF “RAMPANT ABUSE” BY CIVIL RIGHTS GROUPS LIKE THE ACLU. THERE, ESTRELLA SAYS SHE WAS PUT ALONE IN A CELL WITH A TOILET THAT WAS OVERFLOWING WITH FECES.

ESTRELLA: LLENO DE CACA EN PUERTO ISABEL.

MARIA: IN IN YOUR CELL? EN TU CELDA

ESTRELLA: EN LA CELDA DONDE ME ESTABAN PONIENDO EN AISLAMIENTO. YO  DECÍA: “¿POR QUÉ TENGO QUE ESTAR EN UN, EN UN LUGAR DONDE ESTÁ REBASADO, TAPADO DE CACA?”  

MARIA: ESTRELLA TELLS ME THAT SHE PUT A PLASTIC BAG OVER HER ARM, AND UNCLOGGED THE TOILET BY HAND AFTER STAFF REFUSED TO FIX IT FOR HER. FOR THOSE THREE WEEKS IN ICE I WAS KEEPING TABS ON ESTRELLA’S WHEREABOUTS. SOMETIMES SHE WOULD CALL ME. ONCE, I WENT TO TEXAS TO VISIT HER IN PERSON. OTHER TIMES I WOULD CHECK THE ICE DETAINEE LOOKUP WEBSITE TO SEE IF SHE WAS STILL THERE. AND THEN ONE DAY I STOPPED HEARING FROM HER.

MUSIC 

ESTRELLA: PERO CUANDO ME ENCIERRAN SOLA EN UN CUARTO Y PONEN EN LA VENTANA UNO MÉXICO.

MARIA: ESTRELLA SAYS THEY PUT HER IN A ROOM ALONE WITH A SIGN ON THE WINDOW THAT READ “MEXICO – 1” SHE WAS THEN TAKEN TO AN ICE DEPORTATION FLIGHT TO MEXICO, HER COUNTRY OF BIRTH. BUT FIRST, THEY FLEW ACROSS  FROM EAST TEXAS TO EL PASO IN WEST TEXAS. AND ESTRELLA SAYS MEN AND WOMEN WITH SHACKLES AROUND THEIR WAISTS, HANDS, AND FEET CLINKED AND SHUFFLED INTO THE PLANE AS THEY BOARDED. AND SHE WATCHED, HELPLESS.

ESTRELLA: MIRAR GENTE CON SILLA DE RUEDA. 

MARIA: SHE SAW PEOPLE IN WHEELCHAIRS, AND SHE HELPED PUSH THEM IN.

ESTRELLA: ME TOCÓ EMPUJARLOS, AYUDARLOS. 

MARIA: SHE REMEMBERS THREE CHILDREN ON THAT FLIGHT, ALL ALONE.

ESTRELLA:  AHÍ FUE CUANDO YO LLORÉ MÁS. DE POR SÍ YO VENÍA LLORE Y LLORE EN EL AVIÓN Y CUANDO YO MIRÉ ESOS TRES NIÑOS SUBIR AL, AL AVIÓN, YO DIJE: “TÚ ESTÁS LLORANDO”. CUANDO MIRÉ ESOS NIÑOS VIENEN SIN PADRES EN EL AVIÓN SIN SABER QUÉ VAN A HACER. 

MARIA: ESTRELLA SAYS SHE’D BEEN WEEPING, BUT THE MOMENT SHE SAW THOSE CHILDREN ON THE PLANE SHE THOUGHT TO HERSELF: THOSE LITTLE KIDS ARE HERE ALL ALONE, WITHOUT THEIR PARENTS, AND YOU ARE THE ONE WHO’S BURSTING INTO TEARS? AND SHE WOULD TELL HERSELF: ESTRELLA, YOU HAVE TO BE STRONG.

ESTRELLA: YO DECÍA: “OH, MY GOD TIENES QUE SER FUERTE, ESTRELLA”. PERO NO PODÍA PARAR DE LLORAR. 

MUSIC

MARIA: BUT SHE JUST COULDN’T STOP CRYING. THE FLIGHT WAS DESTINED TO CHIAPAS, MEXICO’S SOUTHERNMOST STATE. TO THE CITY OF TAPACHULA, RIGHT AT THE BORDER WITH GUATEMALA. WHEN THE PLANE LANDED IN TAPACHULA ON AUGUST 6TH, ESTRELLA SAYS MEXICAN IMMIGRATION OFFICIALS GOT ON THE PLANE AND SAID…

ESTRELLA: “BIENVENIDOS A MÉXICO…. 

MARIA: WELCOME TO MEXICO

ESTRELLA: …SU PRESIDENTA, CLAUDIA SHEINBAUM, LES DA LA BIENVENIDA”. 

MARIA: YOUR PRESIDENT, CLAUDIA SHEINBAUM, WELCOMES YOU. THE MEXICAN GOVERNMENT RUNS A PROGRAM CALLED MEXICO TE ABRAZA, AND IT’S MEANT TO PROVIDE ASSISTANCE TO CITIZENS WHO’VE BEEN DEPORTED. IT’S MEANT TO HELP THEM FIND THEIR FOOTING. THEY GET SOME FOOD. A PLACE TO SLEEP. AND A CARD WITH 2 THOUSAND PESOS IN IT. THAT’S ABOUT 115 DOLLARS. THE NAME OF THE PROGRAM TRANSLATES TO: MEXICO EMBRACES YOU OR MEXICO HUGS YOU. BUT ESTRELLA SAYS ARRIVING TO TAPACHULA DIDN’T FEEL LIKE A HUG.

ESTRELLA:  YO NO SENTÍ EL ABRAZO DE MÉXICO, ¿OKEY?

MARIA: SHE SAYS ALL OF THE DEPORTEES ARRIVING THERE WERE PUT INTO LEAKY TENTS WITH CREAKY BUNKBEDS. IT WAS COLD AND WET FROM THE CONSTANT RAIN.

ESTRELLA:  ¿CÓMO IBAS A PODER DORMIR EN UNA CARPA DONDE ESTÁ LLOVIENDO, DONDE SIENTES EL FRÍO, DÓNDE VIENES TAN CANSADO? 

MARIA: ESTRELLA SAYS EVERYONE WAS EXHAUSTED. HUNDREDS ARRIVE IN DEPORTATION FLIGHTS AT THIS VERY SPOT ALMOST EVERY WEEK. AND MANY OF THEM WILL LIKELY HAVE TO STAY HERE FOR SOME TIME. THERE’S REPORTS OF MIGRANTS FROM CUBA, FOR EXAMPLE, WHO’VE BEEN IN TAPACHULA FOR ALMOST A YEAR. BUT ESTRELLA GOT TO LEAVE RIGHT AWAY. BECAUSE SHE HAD ME, SOMEONE SHE’S CLOSE TO. AND BECAUSE SHE’S MY MAIN SOURCE, THE PRIMARY SUBJECT OF MY REPORTING OF THIS MOMENT IN HISTORY.  THIS IS HOW IT HAPPENED…

MARIA:  OH, SHE’S CALLING ME. OH MY GOD, SHE’S CALLING ME. 

MARIA: ESTRELLA MANAGED TO BORROW A CELLPHONE FROM SOMEONE DEPORTED ALONG WITH HER AND SO SHE CALLED ME.

ESTRELLA: ESTOY DEPORTADA. 

MARIA: AY NO!.

ESTRELLA: ESTÁ TAN FEO AQUÍ. 

MARIA: ¿DÓNDE ESTÁS? 

MARIA: MARIA, I’M DEPORTED. IT’S REALLY UGLY HERE.

ESTRELLA: ESTOY EN– ¿CÓMO SE LLAMA AQUÍ? 

MAN: TAPACHULA, CHIAPAS. 

MARIA: OH MY GOD. 

MARIA: I GOTTA GO TO MEXICO CITY, SHE TOLD ME. “I’LL MEET YOU THERE,” I SAID. THE EXECUTIVE PRODUCER OF LATINO USA DECIDED THE SHOW WOULD BUY ESTRELLA A BUS TICKET TO MEXICO CITY, WHERE WE WOULD DOCUMENT HER FIRST DAYS OUT OF PRISON. THAT’S WHERE WE STARTED THIS EPISODE, AT THE BUS STATION, WHEN WE HUGGED FOR THE FIRST TIME.

ESTRELLA: OH MY GOD. ESTABAS AQUÍ ESPERÁNDOME. 

MUSIC

MARIA: AT THAT MOMENT, WHEN ESTRELLA ARRIVED, SHE DIDN’T KNOW HOW MUCH JOY AND RESPITE SHE WOULD FEEL DURING OUR WEEKEND TOGETHER IN MEXICO CITY. SHE ALSO DIDN’T KNOW HOW DIFFICULT IT WOULD BE ONCE THAT ENDED,AND SHE WOULD BE ALONE TO REBUILD A LIFE IN A COUNTRY THAT HAS BROUGHT HER SO MUCH FEAR AND PAIN. ONE WHERE SHE HADN’T LIVED AS A WOMAN. SHE DIDN’T KNOW HOW PAINFUL THIS NEW FREEDOM WOULD BE.

ESTRELLA:  MUCHA GENTE ESTÁ FELIZ PORQUE ESTOY LIBRE, PERO TODOS MIS AMIGOS EN PRISIÓN NO SABEN QUE ES DURO PARA MÍ LA LIBERTAD. 

MARIA: AFTER THE BREAK, HOW ESTRELLA GOT HERE, THE LESSONS SHE TAUGHT ME, AND WHY THIS JOURNALIST AND HER SOURCE HAVE GROWN SO CLOSE OVER THE YEARS.

ESTRELLA: UNA CELDA SOLA, UNA CELDA FRÍA DONDE ERAN SOLO DOS FOTOS TUYAS.

MARIA: STAY WITH US, NO TE VAYAS.

BREAK

MARIA: IT’S LATINO USA I’M MARIA HINOJOSA. THERE’S A FEW THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT ESTRELLA. ESPECIALLY IF THIS IS THE FIRST YOU’RE HEARING ABOUT HER. ESTRELLA IS NOT THE MODEL IMMIGRANT STORY. WE’RE SO USED TO PRESENTING THOSE IN THE MEDIA . OF CRAFTING THE PERFECT VICTIM IN HOPES THAT THE AUDIENCE, AND PUBLIC OFFICIALS, WILL CARE ENOUGH TO HELP THEM. BUT IN REALITY, PERFECT VICTIMS ARE SO RARE. IN FACT, IN THE CASE OF ESTRELLA SHE EMBODIES SOME OF THE MOST HATED ARCHETYPES IN TODAY’S UNITED STATES: AN UNDOCUMENTED MEXICAN IMMIGRANT, A TRANS WOMAN, A CONVICTED FELON, FORMERLY DEPORTED. FOR HER WHOLE LIFE, ESTRELLA HAS PUSHED THE LIMITS OF PEOPLE’S BIGOTRY AND COMPASSION. HER STORY CHALLENGES HOW WE THINK ABOUT FORGIVENESS, AND WHO WE THINK IS WORTHY OF LIVING IN THIS COUNTRY, A COUNTRY THAT PORTRAYS, OR USED TO PORTRAY, ITSELF AS A SAFE HAVEN.

MUSIC

MARIA: I’M GOING TO TELL YOU MORE ABOUT ESTRELLA’S STORY. YOU’LL HEAR TAPE FROM DIFFERENT VISITS, SOME OVER THE PHONE, SOME IN PERSON AND SOME FROM OUR TIME TOGETHER IN MEXICO. I FIRST MET ESTRELLA IN 2017, AT A JAIL IN EL PASO, TEXAS. BUT HER STORY STARTS DECADES BEFORE. SHE WAS BORN 43 YEARS AGO AND RAISED IN ACAPULCO, MEXICO. HER BIRTH NAME WAS IRVIN GONZALEZ, BUT ESTRELLA TELLS ME THAT FOR A LONG TIME, SHE FELT TRAPPED IN THE BODY OF A MAN.

ESTRELLA:  PERO YO ESTABA PRESA EN UN CUERPO DE HOMBRE 

MARIA: LIKE A PRISONER, SHE SAYS. AND IN THOSE TOUGH TIMES, IT WAS HER MOM GAVE HER GOOD MOMENTS.

ESTRELLA: ÉRAMOS TAN UNIDAS YO Y MI MAMÁ

MARIA: THEY WERE CLOSE. AND ESTRELLA SAYS SHE LOVED COOKING FOR HER MOM WHEN SHE WAS YOUNGER. WHEN ESTRELLA GOT HER FIRST PAYCHECK AT 16 YEARS OLD FROM  CHOREOGRAPHING DANCES AT QUINCEAÑERAS, SHE USED IT TO BUY THE INGREDIENTS TO MAKE CHILES EN NOGADA.

ESTRELLA: FUE CUANDO ME PAGARON MI PRIMER, MI PRIMER QUINCEAÑERA Y LE DIJE A MI MAMÁ: “VOY A COCINAR CHILES EN NOGADA”. 

MARIA: A MEXICAN DELICACY. AND A SPLURGE FOR A FAMILY WITH SUCH LITTLE MONEY.

ESTRELLA: Y COMENCÉ A HACER CHILES EN NOGADA POR PRIMERA VEZ EN MI VIDA. 

MARIA: BUT ESTRELLA’S MOM WORRIED ABOUT HER CHILD…GROWING UP QUEER IN THE 80S AND 90S. AND THEN ONE DAY, HER MOM’S WORST FEARS CAME TRUE.

MUSIC

MARIA: THREE MEN ATTACKED ESTRELLA IN A HOMOPHOBIC ATTACK AT A PARK IN ACAPULCO. THEY BEAT HER. CALLED HER SLURS. THEN STABBED HER IN THE LEG AND SLICED OFF THE TIP OF HER THUMB.… SO, AROUND HER 18TH BIRTHDAY, ESTRELLA CROSSED INTO THE UNITED STATES LOOKING FOR REFUGE AND A FRESH START. EVEN THOUGH SHE WISHED SHE DIDN’T HAVE TO LEAVE HER COUNTRY

ESTRELLA: YO NO QUERÍA VENIR A ESTE PAÍS, PERO TENÍA QUE HACERLO. ERA LA ÚNICA FORMA DE ESTAR MEJOR POR MI HOMOSEXUALIDAD.

MARIA: THE YEARS SINCE HAVE BEEN FULL OF UPS AND DOWNS AS I’VE PREVIOUSLY REPORTED ON TWO EPISODES OF LATINO USA. FIRST, ESTRELLA THOUGHT THAT IF SHE PLAYED THE STRAIGHT MAN CARD…. THAT LIFE WOULD BE EASIER. SO SHE MARRIED A WOMAN, AND HAD TWO CHILDREN. BUT LIFE WASN’T EASIER. HER MARRIAGE DID NOT END WELL. SHE AND HER THEN-WIFE FOUGHT, EVENTUALLY COMING TO BLOWS. ESTRELLA SAYS SHE HIT HER.

ESTRELLA:  SÍ, YO LA GOLPEÉ. FUI SEIS MESES PRESA AL CONDADO. 

MARIA: IN 2011 ESTRELLA WAS SENTENCED TO SIX MONTHS IN A COUNTY JAIL FOR DOMESTIC BATTERY. THE MARRIAGE ENDED. THEN, ESTRELLA GOT DEPORTED. BUT SHE MADE HER WAY BACK TO THE UNITED STATES. HER HOME FOR ALMOST A DECADE. BUT SHE STILL DIDN’T HAVE PAPERS AND SHE NEVER GOT ANY KIND OF LEGAL STATUS HERE. SO, OVER THE COURSE OF SEVERAL YEARS, ESTRELLA WOULD BE DEPORTED BACK TO MEXICO AT LEAST FIVE TIMES. ESTRELLA SAYS SHE KEPT COMING BACK BECAUSE SHE WAS AFRAID OF BEING BACK IN MEXICO.

ESTRELLA:   [UNINTELLIGIBLE] PORQUE RECUERDA QUE FUE MI MADRE FUE ASESINADA EN GUERRERO.

MARIA: DURING HER TIME LIVING IN THE U.S HER MOM WAS KILLED BY ESTRELLA’S STEPFATHER. ACCORDING TO RECENT FEDERAL NUMBERS, AND AVERAGE OF SIX WOMEN ARE MURDERED EVERY DAY IN MEXICO. THAT WAS THE LIFE ESTRELLA FEARED IF SHE HAD STAYED IN HER COUNTRY.

ESTRELLA: YO SABIA QUE NO ME PODIA REGRESAR A GUERRERO. PORQUE YO YA ESTABA PELEANDO CONTRA EL MUNDO DE QUE YO ERA UNA MUJER TRANS. 

MUSIC

MARIA: DURING HER ATTEMPTS TO CROSS INTO THE U.S. SHE EVENTUALLY GOT CHARGED WITH CRIMINAL RE-ENTRY AND SPENT SOME TIME IN A WEST TEXAS DETENTION FACILITY. SEE, BEING UNDOCUMENTED IN THE UNITED STATES IS A CIVIL OFFENSE, BUT BEING DEPORTED AND THEN COMING BACK WITHOUT AUTHORIZATION MORE THAN ONCE, CAN BE BE PROSECUTED AS A FELONY.  IT WAS DURING THAT TIME BEHIND BARS IN 2015, THAT SHE MET A MAN, MARIO, WHO SHE CALLS HER BIG MISTAKE. SHE SAYS HE LOVE-BOMBED HER AND SHE FELL FOR IT. WHEN THEY BOTH GOT OUT THE RELATIONSHIP SOURED. AND THIS TIME, SHE WAS THE VICTIM OF ABUSE.

MARIA:  MARIO THREATENED YOU? 

ESTRELLA: SÍ. MARÍA, ÉL LO HACÍA.

MARIA: ESTRELLA SAYS MARIO BEAT HER AND HE TOOK AWAY HER IDS AND SET THEM ON FIRE.

ESTRELLA:  YO TUVE QUE IRME PORQUE ÉL IBA A MATARME

 MARIA: HE TRIED TO KILL YOU SEVERAL TIMES RIGHT. 

ESTRELLA: MUCHAS DE VECES CON SUS MANOS CON EL TALADRO POR EL CUCHILLO DE ESTA ROJA FUERA DE LA CASA.

MARIA: MARIO OFTEN THREATENED HER WITH RAPE AND WITH CALLING ICE ON HER IF SHE DIDN’T DO WHAT HE WANTED. ATTORNEYS REPRESENTING ESTRELLA HAVE TOLD ME THIS IS TEXTBOOK TRAFFICKING. THE COMPLETE CONTROL HE HAD OVER HER. AND AROUND THIS TIME, IS WHEN OUR PATHS FIRST CROSSED.

MUSIC

MARIA: ON FEBRUARY 9TH, 2017, ESTRELLA WAS AT A COURT IN EL PASO GETTING AN ORDER OF PROTECTION AGAINST MARIO. BUT ESTRELLA DIDN’T KNOW THAT UNDERCOVER SPECIAL AGENTS FROM BORDER PATROL AND ICE WERE SITTING IN THE BACK OF COURTROOM, WAITING TO TAKE HER. THIS WAS PRACTICALLY UNHEARD OF BEFORE 2017: IMMIGRATION ENFORCEMENT INSIDE COURTHOUSES, INSIDE A COURT ROOM.

ARCHIVAL TAPE:  THIS IS VIDEO OF IMMIGRATION OFFICERS TAKING 33 YEAR OLD IRVING GONZALEZ OUT OF THE COURTHOUSE LAST MONTH. IT HAPPENED AFTER GONZALEZ SOUGHT A PROTECTIVE ORDER AGAINST AN EX BOYFRIEND. 

MARIA: IT’S HARD TO IMAGINE TODAY – WITH ICE AGENTS MAKING ARRESTS IN SCHOOLS, CHURCHES, AND HOSPITALS – BUT UNDER PREVIOUS ADMINISTRATIONS, THE POLICY WAS TO STAY AWAY FROM THOSE PLACES. THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION OFFICIALLY REFERRED TO THEM AS “PROTECTED” OR “SENSITIVE” PLACES. NOT BECAUSE DETAINING IMMIGRANTS IN COURT IS ILLEGAL, BUT AS A MATTER OF PRACTICE.

MUSIC

MARIA: ESTRELLA WAS THE FIRST HIGH PROFILE CASE OF AN ICE ARREST INSIDE A COURTROOM. JUST WEEKS AFTER TRUMP ENTERED THE WHITE HOUSE FOR THE FIRST TIME.

ARCHIVAL TAPE: COUNTY OFFICIALS SUSPECT ICE MIGHT HAVE BEEN STAKING OUT THE COURTHOUSE BASED ON A TIP FROM THE WOMAN’S ALLEGED ABUSER. 

MARIA: I’VE ALWAYS THOUGHT OF HER AS THE CANARY IN THE COAL MINE, AN ARREST INSIDE A QUOTE UNQUOTE SAFE PLACE. IT SHOWED US JUST HOW FAR IMMIGRATION ENFORCEMENT WOULD END UP GOING UNDER TRUMP. HOW MANY LINES WOULD EVENTUALLY BE CROSSED. SO, ESTRELLA’S ARREST MADE NATIONAL NEWS. LATINO USA WAS THE FIRST OUTLET TO LAND AN EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH HER BEHIND BARS.

ESTRELLA: MARIO HABÍA CUMPLIDO SUS AMENAZAS. SI ME DEJAS, TE ECHO LA MIGRA. SI NO FIRMAS LOS CHEQUES, YO TE ECHO LA MIGRA.

MARIA: BUT AMID ALL THE CHAOS OF HER IMMIGRATION CASE, ESTRELLA WAS ALSO FACING A STATE CHARGE.

ARCHIVAL TAPE: GONZALEZ AND EX BOYFRIEND DE AVILA FACE CHARGES RELATED TO STEALING, CASHING AND DEPOSITING MONEY ORDERS FROM THE MAIL.

MARIA: TEXAS PROSECUTORS CHARGED ESTRELLA AND MARIO WITH FRAUD. THEY WERE ACCUSED OF STEALING CHECKS FROM THE MAIL AND CASHING THEM UNDER MARIO’S NAME.

ARCHIVAL TAPE:  GONZALEZ TOLD JUDGE MONTALVO IN SPANISH. I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE FOR BREAKING THE LAW OF THE UNITED STATES.

MARIA: ACCORDING TO ESTRELLA AND HER ATTORNEYS, MARIO COERCED HER, KEPT HER HIGH AND IN A HAZE.

ESTRELLA: PARA PODER YO HACER LO DE LOS CHEQUES. ÉL ME DABA DROGA. ÉL NECESITABA TENERME DROGADA PARA YO PODERLO HACER 

MARIA: HE NEEDED TO GIVE ME DRUGS IN ORDER TO STEAL THE CHECKS, BECAUSE HE KNEW I WOULD NOT DO IT OTHERWISE. SHE SAID.  STILL, SHE PLED GUILTY TO THEFT OF PROPERTY AND FRAUD. AND WAS SENTENCED TO NINE YEARS IN PRISON.

MUSIC

MARIA: AND FOR THOSE 9 YEARS, WE’VE BEEN IN TOUCH.

OPERATOR:  GRACIAS POR USAR…PUEDE COMENZAR LA CONVERSACIÓN AHORA 

ESTRELLA: HOLA, MARÍA. 

MARIA: HOLA ESTRELLA.

MARIA: FIRST, OCCASIONAL PHONE CALLS…

MARIA:  OH, LA ESTRELLA. FELIZ DÍA DEL GUAJOLOTE 

ESTRELLA: HOLA MARIA 

MARIA: HAPPY HAPPY TURKEY DAY.

MARIA: THAT EVOLVED INTO SOMETIMES WEEKLY PHONE CALLS. WHERE WE’D TALK ABOUT HER CASE…

ESTRELLA:  TODO LO QUE YO HE REVIVIDO. YO TE LO VOY A CONTAR TAL Y COMO ES

MARIA: …AND EVERYTHING ELSE. LIKE HOW WE’RE BOTH GYM RATS.

MARIA:  YOU’RE DOING CROSSFIT?!

ESTRELLA:  YES. LEVANTÉ UNA LLANTA DE DOSCIENTAS LIBRAS.

MARIA: I ALSO VISITED HER IN PERSON SEVEN TIMES THROUGHOUT THE YEARS.

MARIA:  WE’RE HERE TO VISIT ESTRELLA. 

GUARD: MHM

MARIA:  YOU KNOW ESTRELLA? 

GUARD: UH HUH. 

MARIA: WE’RE HERE TO VISIT HER. 

GUARD: COME ON THROUGH, ALL THE WAY THROUGH. SHOW HER YOUR VISITOR TAGS THERE YOU GO.

MARIA: AND TWICE, THE TEXAS DEPARTMENT OF CORRECTIONS EVEN BANNED ME FROM VISITING OR WRITING.

MARIA: [SIGH] YOU’RE ANIME WILL REMAIN ON THE NEGATIVE MAILIN LIST FOR OFFENDER GONZALEZ, IRVIN. AND RIGHT NOW I’M LIVID

MARIA: BUT I NEVER GAVE UP ON TELLING HERSTORY. I’VE REPORTED ON THE PHYSICAL AND SEXUAL ABUSE SHE SUFFERED THOSE FIRST YEARS AS A TRANS WOMAN IN THE JAMES V. ALLRED UNIT – ONE OF TEXAS’ MOST NOTORIOUS PRISONS FOR MEN.

ESTRELLA:  QUE TUMBO A LA CAMA Y AHÍ EL HIZO EN EL EN EL BON QUE LO QUE ÉL QUISO CONMIGO 

MARIA: IN TEXAS, TRANS WOMEN ARE ASSIGNED TO MEN’S PRISONS, DESPITE THE DANGER THAT PUTS THEM IN.

ESTRELLA:  LAS TRANS ÉRAMOS COMO LAS PROSTITUTAS DE AQUÍ. 

MARIA: ESTRELLA SAYS EVEN THOUGH THEY WEREN’T, THEY WERE TREATED LIKE PROSTITUTES. OVER THE YEARS I DOCUMENTED WHEN THEY WOULD PUT HER IN AN ISOLATION UNIT IN THE FREEZING COLD. OR THE SUMMER DAYS WHEN THE 105 DEGREE HEAT INSIDE MADE IT HARD TO BREATHE.

ESTRELLA:  UN CALOR A MÁS DE 105. ESTAMOS. TODO EL DÍA, EN LAS CELDAS 

MARIA: BUT IT WASN’T ALL DESPAIR. JUST LIKE THERE’S NO ONE WAY TO BE A VICTIM, THERE’S NO ONE WAY TO SPEND YEARS IN PRISON. THERE WAS ALSO LEVITY. AND EVEN JOY. ESTRELLA CRACKS ME UP.

ESTRELLA: AY YOU LOVE ME

MARIA: TÚ LO VES.

ESTRELLA:  OH, MY GOD (LAUGHS) 

MARIA: ON OUR CALLS AND VISITS, ESTRELLA AND I WOULD TALK ABOUT HER STYLE. CREATING FASHION BEHIND BARS. SHE ALTERED HER WHITE PRISON SCRUBS SO THEY WERE CINCHED AT THE WAIST. SHE MADE HER OWN EARRINGS OUT OF PAPER CLIPS.

ESTRELLA:  ME HECHO MIS PROPIOS ARE ARETES. ME HECHO MIS PROPIOS ANILLOS. MIS BOLERAS MIS COLLARES. 

MARIA: AND HER OWN EYE SHADOW – MADE FROM SOFTENING COLORED PENCILS IN HOT WATER FROM THE SINK. AND SHE DIDN’T ABANDON HER LOVE OF COOKING.

MARIA:  WHAT IS FAVORITE THING THAT YOU COOKED INSIDE THE PRISON?

ESTRELLA: TAMALES, QUE HICE VEINTICINCO TAMALES.

MARIA: HOW DID YOU MAKE TAMALES IN THE PRISON? 

ESTRELLA: TORTILLA CHIPS, CORN CHIPS, DORITOS, CHEEZ PUFFS

MARIA: GRINDING ALL THOSE INGREDIENTS TO MAKE MASA. SO HER CELLMATES COULD TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT AND GOOD.

ESTRELLA: LAS MANOS LLENAS DE ÁMPULAS, PERO TENÍA, TENÍA QUE PROBARAN ALGO DIFERENTE Y DELICIOSO.

MARIA: AND HER EFFORTS PAID OFF. SHE MADE A LOT OF FRIENDS.

 JUSTIN: SHE GREETED ME WITH A BOWL OF FOOD AND I’M LIKE AN OLD CAT. ONCE YOU FEED ME, YOU CAN’T GET RID OF ME.

MUSIC 

MARIA: JUSTIN STERRY SPENT FOUR YEARS INCARCERATED WITH ESTRELLA.

 JUSTIN:  WE BECAME VERY CLOSE FRIENDS. 

MARIA: WE TRACKED HIM DOWN A FEW YEARS AGO AND HE HELPED ME TO UNDERSTAND WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO LIVE WITH ESTRELLA. AT FIRST JUSTIN THOUGHT SHE WAS TOO OVER THE TOP AND TOO FLAMBOYANT, BUT IT WENT DEEPER. JUSTIN TOLD ME ABOUT HOW ESTRELLA MADE PEOPLE INSIDE THAT PRISON FEEL. HAPPY.

 JUSTIN:  TALKING ABOUT HER AND MAKE YOU WANT TO CRY. UM [UNINTELLIGIBLE]

MARIA: CAN YOU TELL ME WHAT YOU’RE FEELING WHEN YOU WANT TO CRY? 

JUSTIN: ESTRELLA IS A VERY VERY SPECIAL PERSON AND I DON’T THINK I COULD COMPARE IT TO ANYBODY IN MY LIFE BECAUSE THERE’S BEEN TIMES WHERE I WOULD BE DOWN, OR I WOULD BE OUT, OR I WOULDN’T HAVE NOTHING. AND HERE COMES THIS LITTLE MEXICAN CHICA, OUT OF NOWHERE. SHE’S GONNA GIVE YOU THE SHIRT OFF HER BACK. YOU KNOW, SHE DOES EVERYTHING SHE CAN TO MAKE EVERYBODY ELSE HAPPY. AND YOU KNOW, SHE DON’T STOP. AND UM, ESTRELLA WILL PUT OTHER PEOPLE BEFORE HER, PERIOD. SHE HAS A HEART THAT’S AMAZING. 

MARIA: ESTRELLA SAYS SHE MADE A LOT OF FRIENDS, AND EVEN SOME OF THE GUARDS GREW TO LOVE HER.

ESTRELLA:  SE ME NOMBRA LA LA QUEEN DE ALLRED UNIT. 

MARIA: THEY CALLED HER THE QUEEN OF ALLRED UNIT. THE BARBIE.

ESTRELLA: LA BARBIE. SÍ, LA FAMOSA. 

JUSTIN: THAT BAD MEXICAN GIRL. THAT’S HOW THEY WOULD REFER TO HER, THAT BAD MEXICAN GIRL. 

MARIA: BAD IN A GOOD WAY. 

JUSTIN: OH YEAH, BAD IN A GOOD WAY, LIKE BAD, YOU KNOW, BAD, SHE’S BAD. 

MUSIC

MARIA: AND IN THE CONFINES OF THE JAMES V ALLRED UNIT, ESTRELLA MANAGED TO BREAK FREE FROM WHAT SHE HAD CALLED THE PRISON OF HER BODY. SHE FOUGHT FOR AND GOT HORMONE THERAPY AND BEGAN TO TRANSITION. SINCE 2016, TRANS PEOPLE IN TEXAS PRISONS CAN START OR CONTINUE HORMONE THERAPY. CIVIL RIGHTS ADVOCATES HAVE SAID THIS ACCESS CAN BE LIFE SAVING, SAVING TRANS PRISONERS FROM DEPRESSION AND SUICIDE. IT WAS LIFE CHANGING FOR ESTRELLA. IN ONE OF MY VISITS TO PRISON IN 2024, SHE TOLD ME SHE ACTUALLY FELT HAPPY WITH HERSELF. JUST AS SHE WAS.

ESTRELLA:  EN ESTE MOMENTO NO ES TAN DIFÍCIL SER ASÍ COMO YO SOY. 

MARIA: SHE FELT BEAUTIFUL.

ESTRELLA: HE CAMBIADO, POR ESO ESTOY ASÍ DE BELLA ES.

MARIA: HER BREASTS GREW AND SHE LOOOVE TO TALK ABOUT THEM. HER VOICE SOFTENED. HER HAIR GREW LONG.

ESTRELLA:  TODO EL MUNDO ME DICE COMO TE HA CRECIDO EL PELO TAN RÁPIDO, LAS HORMONES 

MARIA: AND LITTLE BY LITTLE, SHE FOUND A HOME INSIDE HER BODY AND WITHIN PRISON WALLS.

MUSIC

MARIA: SHE EVEN FOUND A MAN.

ESTRELLA: PUES TENGO MI ENTRENADOR PERSONAL DE GIMNASIO.

MARIA: HER PERSONAL TRAINER AT THE PRISON GYM. WHO GOES BY KOOL

ESTRELLA: SI ES EL EL DUEÑO DE MI CORAZÓN AHORITA.

MARIA: SHE FELL IN LOVE.

KOOL: WE JUST ALWAYS HAVE  JUST CONVERSATIONS ABOUT JUST ANYTHING, EVERYTHING WE COULD LAUGH TOGETHER. I’VE ALWAYS LOVED HER, YOU KNOW WHAT I’M SAYING, EVEN, EVEN BEFORE I, I WAS WITH HER, LIKE HER, HER FRIENDSHIP, WHO SHE IS. 

MARIA: THEIR LOVE STORY WAS INTENSE,.. SWEET… AND SHE TOLD ME THAT SHE DIDN’T EVEN FEEL LIKE SHE WAS IN PRISON.

ESTRELLA:  VIVO AQUÍ, PERO NO VIVO AQUÍ EN REALIDAD. 

MARIA: SHE FELT FREE.

ESTRELLA: COMO SI YO VIVIERA EN LA LIBRE A AHORITA

MARIA: TO SURVIVE ANY HORROR, HOLOCAUST SURVIVOR AND PHILOSOPHER VIKTOR FRANKL SAYS YOU NEED PURPOSE AND LOVE. AND SHE FOUND THAT PURPOSE IN TRANSFORMING HER BODY AND IN FALLING IN LOVE WITH KOOL.

MUSIC

MARIA: BUT WITH THE END OF HER PRISON SENTENCE… ALL OF THAT SAFETY, ALL OF THAT LOVE AND HAPPINESS…. WOULD TURN INTO UNCERTAINTY AND CHAOS. AFTER THE BREAK. HOW DO YOU MAKE A LIFE IN LIMBO? STAY WITH US. NO TE VAYAS.

BREAK

MARIA: IT’S LATINO USA, I’M MARIA HINOJOSA. LET’S CONTINUE OUR STORY ABOUT ESTRELLA. SHE’S AN UNDOCUMENTED TRANS WOMAN FROM MEXICO WHO SPENT NINE YEARS IN A TEXAS PRISON FOR A NON-VIOLENT FRAUD CONVICTION. WHEN WE LAST HEARD FROM HER BEFORE THE BREAK, SHE’D MANAGED TO BUILD A LIFE FOR HERSELF INSIDE THE PRISON, UNDER THE HARDEST CIRCUMSTANCES. AND DURING THIS TIME, MY RELATIONSHIP WITH ESTRELLA DEEPENED. SPEAKING WITH HER KEPT ME GROUNDED. SHE TAUGHT ME ABOUT LIVING IN GRATITUDE. HOW COULD I COMPLAIN ABOUT ANYTHING WHEN I WOULD HEAR HER ON THE OTHER END OF A PHONE..AND I GREW TO ADMIRE HER. IN ALL HER COMPLICATED GLORY. ESTRELLA WAS VERY MUCH AWARE THAT I WAS RECORDING ALL OUR CONVERSATIONS. THAT SHE WAS SHARING HER STORY WITH A JOURNALIST DOING HER JOB. WE SPOKE ABOUT THE ETHICS AND LIMITATIONS OF OUR RELATIONSHIP. BUT THAT DIDN’T STOP HER FROM TURNING TO ME IN HER DARKEST HOURS IN PRISON, I BECAME HER CONSTANT COMPANION FROM AFAR.

ESTRELLA: ME DABAS LAS FUERZAS EN LOS MOMENTOS DE SEC

MARIA: WHEN THEY’D PUT HER IN SOLITARY CONFINEMENT – WHAT SHE CALLS SEC – SHE WOULD TAKE THE XMAS CARDS I HAD SENT AND HOLD THEM CLOSE. REMINDING HERSELF THAT SHE HAD A PERSON IN HER CORNER.

ESTRELLA: UNA CELDA SOLA, UNA CELDA FRÍA DONDE ERAN SOLO DOS FOTOS TUYAS A LAS QUE YO ABRAZABA Y YO DECÍA: “VOY PARA ARRIBA. HAY UNA MUJER DETRÁS DE MÍ. VAMOS, ESTRELLA”.

MARIA: AND THEN ONE DAY…BEFORE I WAS COMING TO VISIT ESTRELLA TOLD ME SHE WAS GOING TO GIVE ME A GIFT AND I SAID YOU CAN’T GIVE ME A GIFT YOU’RE IN PRISON.” SHE SHOWED ME HER LEFT FOREARM.

ESTRELLA:  ME TATUÉ TU NOMBRE, ME PUSE MARÍA HINOJOSA.

MUSIC

MARIA: I’VE BEEN A JOURNALIST FOR FOUR DECADES. I’VE HAD MANY FULFILLING AND COMPLICATED RELATIONSHIPS WITH MY SOURCES. AS FAR AS I KNOW, ESTRELLA IS THE ONLY SOURCE WHO’S GOTTEN MY NAME TATTOOED ON HER BODY. I MEAN, NOONE IN MY LIFE HAS EVER DONE THAT. SO YES AT FIRST, I WAS TAKEN ABACK. A LINE HAD BEEN CROSSED. I WASN’T, AND COULD NEVER SEE MYSELF AS BEING RESPONSIBLE FOR ESTRELLA. SO I WAS CONFLICTED. BUT THEN, ESTRELLA TOLD ME WHY SHE DID IT. SHE SAID SHE GOT THAT TATTOO BECAUSE SOMETIMES WHEN SHE WAS THE MOST LONELY SHE WOULD HOLD HER HAND UP TO HER CHEST AND SAY I’M NOT ALONE …AND … I KINDA GOT IT.

ESTRELLA: TAL VEZ PARA MUCHOS ERA DESCABELLADO…

MARIA:STILL, SHE RECOGNIZES IT’S A BIT CRAZY

ESTRELLA: …PERO PARA MÍ ERA EL SENTIRTE CERCA. 

MUSIC

MARIA: OK. LET’S GET BACK TO THIS SUMMER. AS THE END OF HER SENTENCE APPROACHED IN JULY OF 2026, THIS LIFE SHE HAD BUILT OVER ALMOST A DECADE BEHIND BARS – WITH FRIENDS, HORMONE TREATMENT AND A PARTNER SHE LOVED – WOULD ALSO COME TO AN END. SO WHILE SHE WAS EXCITED ABOUT LEAVING, THERE WAS ALSO HEARTBREAK IN LEAVING THIS WORLD BEHIND.

ESTRELLA:  NUNCA PENSÉ QUE YO IBA A LLORAR POR DEJAR LA CÁRCEL O QUE ME DOLERÍA. CÓMO PUEDO EXTRAÑAR ESE LUGAR? PERO NO ERA EL LUGAR, SINO CÓMO LO ADAPTAMOS PARA SOBREVIVIR, PARA SER FELIZ 

MARIA: AND HERE’S THE BIG ISSUE… AND IT’S WHAT MAKES THE END OF HER PRISON SENTENCE DIFFERENT FROM A US CITIZEN. THE FACT THAT SHE DIDN’T HAVE LEGAL IMMIGRATION STATUS MEANT SHE WASN’T ACTUALLY GOING TO BE RELEASED BACK INTO SOCIETY. SHE HAD BEEN DEPORTED SEVERAL TIMES SEVERAL TIMES BEFORE AND HAD A RECORD. WHEN ESTRELLA PLED GUILTY TO THEFT OF PROPERTY AND FRAUD IN 2017, HER PLEA AGREEMENTS STATED THAT SHE WOULD MOST LIKELY FACE DEPORTATION AT THE END OF HER SENTENCE. BUT THAT DIDN’T STOP HER FROM HOPING.

MUSIC

MARIA: SEE, THE TRANSGENDER LAW CENTER HAD HEARD OUR REPORTING A FEW YEARS BACK AND HAD TAKEN UP ESTRELLA’S CASE. THEY HAD APPLIED FOR WHAT’S KNOWN AS A T-VISA, WHICH ALLOWS VICTIMS OF HUMAN TRAFFICKING TO STAY IN THE COUNTRY TEMPORARILY. ESTRELLA’S ATTORNEY LYNLY EGYES SAYS ESTRELLA WAS ELIGIBLE FOR THAT VISA BECAUSE SHE’D BEEN TRAFFICKED, FORCED TO COMMIT CRIMES, AND HER NINE YEAR SENTENCE WAS A DIRECT RESULT OF THAT ABUSE. ABUSE FROM THE RELATIONSHIP ESTRELLA HAD WITH MARIO WHO SHE SAYS DRUGGED HER, BEAT HER, AND COERCED HER INTO DOING WHAT HE WANTED OR ELSE HE’D CALL ICE ON HER. THE T-VISA WAS DENIED. BUT HER ATTORNEYS APPEALED. BUT ESTRELLA ALSO APPLIED FOR A SO-CALLED U-VISA. GIVEN TO CERTAIN VICTIMS OF DV CRIME. THAT VISA IS STILL PENDING, ACCORDING TO HER ATTORNEY. LASTLY, ESTRELLA HAD LEFT MEXICO IN THE FIRST PLACE BECAUSE SHE WAS ATTACKED THERE FOR BEING QUEER. SHE FEARED PERSECUTION. SO, LYNLY, HER LAWYER, SAYS THAT AT THE BORDER, ESTRELLA SHOULD HAVE BEEN ALLOWED AN INTERVIEW WITH AN ASYLUM OFFICER TO STATE HER CASE. IT’S WHAT’S KNOWN AS A “CREDIBLE FEAR SCREENING.” BUT SHE DIDN’T GET ONE. FOR YEARS, OFFICIALS AT THE BORDER HAVE BEEN DENYING OR IGNORING THIS PART OF THE ASYLUM PROCESS. AS HAS BEEN WELL DOCUMENTED IN THE PRESS AND BY CIVIL RIGHTS GROUPS. SO, AS FAR AS HER ATTORNEY – AND THE LAW – IS CONCERNED, ESTRELLA WAS UNLAWFULLY DEPORTED LAST AUGUST. ILLEGALLY REMOVED FROM THE COUNTRY SHE CALLS HOME.

AMBI

MARIA: AND NOW HERE WE ARE. BACK WHERE WE STARTED THIS EPISODE. AT A BUS STATION IN MEXICO CITY. ON A RAINY AUGUST NIGHT.

AMBI

MARIA: AFTER I GET PAST THE INITIAL BURST OF HAPPINESS, AND I REALLY GET TO TAKE ESTRELLA IN, I CAN SEE HOW DIFFERENT SHE LOOKS FROM HER USUAL DONE UP SELF. SHE HAS STUBBLE ON HER FACE, NO MAKEUP, HER HAIR IS UNKEMPT.

ESTRELLA: TAN BARBONA, EL PELO TODO ALBOROTADO. 

MARIA: BUT WE DECIDE, AT 2 IN THE MORNING, AFTER A 26 HOUR BUS RIDE, WE SHARE OUR VERY FIRST MEAL TOGETHER.

SENOR: HAY TACOS DE SUADERO, DE PASTOR, DE BISTEC, ARRACHERA… 

ESTRELLA: DE SUADERO. UNOS TAQUITOS 

SENOR: ¿ DE SUADERO? SÍ. ¿CUÁNTOS? TRAE CINCO LA ORDEN, SON CINCO TACOS. 

ESTRELLA: O ME DA UNA ORDEN. 

SENOR: UNA ORDEN DE SUADERO. 

ESTRELLA: POR FAVOR. 

MARIA: AFTER OUR DINNER, OUR CREW AND I DRIVE ESTRELLA TO A SMALL HOTEL.

TONIGHT, SHE WILL SLEEP IN A NICE WARM BED, HER OWN PRIVATE BATHROOM, AND A DOOR THAT SHE GETS TO LOCK HERSELF.

AMBI

MARIA:  ESTAS MUY BONITA HOY

ESTRELLA:  GRACIAS

MARIA: THAT WEEKEND, I TAKE HER TO COYOACAN, ONE OF MY FAVORITE PLACES IN MEXICO. WITH ITS MARKETS BURSTING WITH COLOR, SOUNDS AND PEOPLE. ESTRELLA STROLLS ALONG, SMILING, TAKING IT ALL IN.

ESTRELLA:  ESTAR AQUÍ ES COMO SALIR DE– A OTRO MUNDO. ES OTRO MUNDO COMPLETAMENTE.

MARIA: THIS FEELS LIKE BEING IN A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT WORLD, SHE SAYS. BUT OCCASIONALLY. ESTRELLA GOES QUIET.

MARIA:  TÚ DE REPENTE TE SIENTES COMO CALLADA, COMO… 

ESTRELLA: AISLADA. TANTOS AÑOS ENCERRADA.

MARIA: SÍ. 

MARIA: SHE SAYS IT’S A LOT TO TAKE IN, AFTER SO MANY YEARS LOCKED UP.

ESTRELLA: Y SALIR A LA LIBERTAD. EL VIAJE, EL SOL, EL CIELO. 

MARIA: AGOBIANTE. 

ESTRELLA: LOS CARROS. 

MARIA: THE TRIP TO MEXICO, THE SUN, THE SKY, THE CARS. IT’S OVERWHELMING.

ESTRELLA;  MÉXICO CITY ES DEMASIADO GRANDE Y CREO QUE NUNCA LA VOY A PODER DOMINAR. 

MARIA: WE GO TO A RESTAURANT, AND WHAT DO WE SEE ON THE MENU? CHILES EN NOGADA. THE DISH SHE REMEMBERS COOKING FOR HER MOM WHEN SHE WAS ONLY 16, BUYING THE FANCY INGREDIENTS WITH HER PAYCHECK.

ESTRELLA:  ES OTRA SEÑAL DE QUE MI MADRE ESTÁ EN ESTE MOMENTO, EN ESTE LUGAR AQUÍ”. 

MARIA: IT’S A SIGN, ESTRELLA SAYS. THAT HER LATE MOM IS HERE. AND THEN TWO STREET PERFORMERS… A WOMAN AND CHILD DUO…. START SINGING A MEXICAN CLASSIC ABOUT GRIEF: AMOR ETERNO, “ETERNAL LOVE.” ESTRELLAS EYES BRIGHTEN I LOOK AT HER AND SAY “WHAT’S GOING ON?” AND SHE SAYS:

ESTRELLA:  ES-ESTA CANCIÓN ES LA CANCIÓN FAVORITA DE MI MAMÁ. 

MARIA: IT WAS MY MOM’S FAVORITE SONG, SHE SAYS.

ESTRELLA: ESA ES NUESTRA CANCIÓN” [SONG] OH MY GOD… ESA ES UNA….

MUSIC

MARIA: EVEN THOUGH MEXICO IS FULL OF REMINDERS OF THE LIFE AS SHE ONCE LIVED, ESTRELLA IS NOW A VERY DIFFERENT PERSON, AND THIS IS A VERY DIFFERENT COUNTRY FROM THE ONE SHE LEFT ALMOST 30 YEARS AGO. SHE’S STILL NOT SURE IT WILL EMBRACE THE WOMAN SHE’S BECOME, IF SHE CAN LIVE HERE WITHOUT FEAR AS A TRANS WOMAN.

ESTRELLA:  NO SÉ SI MÉXICO HA CAMBIADO, PORQUE ESTOS ÚLTIMOS DÍAS HE RECIBIDO MUCHA OFENSA HACIA MI PERSONA COMO MUJER TRANS. 

MARIA:BUT SHE SAYS THAT THERE HAVE ALSO BEEN MOMENTS SINCE SHE ARRIVED WHEN SHE HAS FELT AT LEAST ACKNOWLEDGED BY PEOPLE.

ESTRELLA: PERO AHORITA EN ESTE LUGAR CREO QUE LA GENTE ME HA COBIJADO COMO MUJER TRANS

MARIA: SHE SAYS SHE FEELS…

ESTRELLA: ME HA DADO MI LUGAR, TAL VEZ NO EL RESPETO, PERO SÍ MI LUGAR COMO MUJER TRANS 

MARIA: MAYBE NOT RESPECTED, BUT AT LEAST ACKNOWLEDGED. THAT WEEKEND FELT LIKE A PAUSE, LIKE TAKING A DEEP BREATH BEFORE A LONG JOURNEY. AND I WAS THERE, TO MAKE SURE ESTRELLA WAS FED, AND WARM, AND CARED FOR. BUT I CAN’T STAY IN MEXICO FOREVER. AND NOW SHE’S LEFT TO FIGURE LIFE OUT ALONE.

MARIA:  IT IS AUGUST TENTH IN MEXICO CITY, MONDAY, AND WE ARE IN THE CAR….

MARIA: MY LAST STOP WITH ESTRELLA IS AN LGBTQ SHELTER.

ESTRELLA: ESTOY NERVIOSA. 

MARIA: SHE’S NERVOUS. AFRAID OF FEELING LIKE SHE’S BEHIND BARS AGAIN BECAUSE OF ALL THE RULES THAT COME WITH LIVING IN A SHELTER. BUT WITHOUT MONEY OR A JOB, THIS IS HER BEST OPTION.

 MARIA: WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT SAYING GOODBYE TO ME? 

MARIA: I LEAVE MEXICO. AND ESTRELLA.

ESTRELLA: ESTOY LISTA PARA DESPEDIRME HOY DE TI Y ESPERANDO VOLVERNOS A VER OTRO DÍA MÁS.

MARIA: ALRIGHT 

MUSIC

MARIA: IN THE WEEKS SINCE WE LAST SAW EACH OTHER IN PERSON, ESTRELLA HAS BEEN STRUGGLING TO FIND HER FOOTING. THINGS DIDN’T WORK OUT AT THE SHELTER.

ESTRELLA:  QUIERO ESCAPARME DE AQUÍ. 

MARIA: SHE SAYS SHE FELT TRAPPED AGAIN, LIKE SHE NEEDED TO ESCAPE. SHE FINALLY MANAGED TO GET A MEXICAN ID. BUT SHE’S HAD A HARD TIME GETTING A JOB. ESPECIALLY AS A TRANS WOMAN.

 ESTRELLA: FUIMOS A PEDIR TRABAJO EN UNA TIENDA DE ROPA…. 

MARIA: ONE TIME WHEN SHE AND OTHER TRANS WOMEN ASKED ABOUT POSSIBLE EMPLOYMENT AT A CLOTHING STORE ESTRELLA SAYS THEY WERE TOLD HER

 ESTRELLA: ….QUE NO SE ACEPTAN PERSONAS FEAS COMO NOSOTRAS.

MARIA: “WE DON’T HIRE UGLY PEOPLE.” SHE’S ALSO HAD A HARD TIME TAKING HER HORMONES WITH ANY REGULARITY. BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T HAVE MONEY FOR THE MEDS. AND SHE’S SAD, BECAUSE HER FACIAL HAIR IS GROWING BACK AND COMING IN THICKER. AND ON TOP OF IT ALL SHE MISSES HER PARTNER KOOL

ESTRELLA: MAYBE NOMÁS ME PUEDE LLAMAR….

MARIA: THEY STILL TALK ON THE PHONE ALL THE TIME

ESTRELLA: ….COMO TODOS LOS DIAS.

MUSIC

MARIA: AFTER SPENDING ALMOST A MONTH IN MEXICO CITY, ESTRELLA TRAVELED TO THE NORTHERN BORDER CITY OF TIJUANA.  SHE’S STAYING AT A SHELTER WHERE SHE FINALLY FEELS SAFE.

ESTRELLA:  ME SIENTO SAFE, ME SIENTO A SALVO. 

MARIA: SHE’S STILL TRYING TO FIND A JOB, BUT APPARENTLY MANY EMPLOYERS HAVE TOLD HER SHE NEEDS HER HIGH SCHOOL DIPLOMA, AND FOR THAT SHE WOULD NEED TO TRAVEL TO HER HOMETOWN, ACAPULCO. BUT IT STILL FEELS TOO DANGEROUS FOR HER THERE. WHAT KEEPS HER GOING NOW ARE HER PHONE CONVERSATIONS WITH KOOL.

ESTRELLA:  LE DIJE: “BABY, HAY MOMENTOS EN QUE YO QUISIERA CRUZARME PARA EL OTRO LADO Y ESTAR ALLÁ”. 

MARIA: SHE TELLS HIM SHE WANTS TO CROSS THE BORDER AGAIN TO BE CLOSER TO HIM.

ESTRELLA: PERO ÉL DICE QUE NO. 

MARIA: BUT HE TELLS HER NO, SHE CAN’T. SO SHE’S STAYING PUT. FINDING A WAY TO MAKE PEACE WITH AN UNCERTAIN FUTURE.

ESTRELLA:  NO HE PENSADO HACER UNA VIDA EN MÉXICO. 

MARIA: I HAVEN’T EVEN REALLY FULLY THOUGHT ABOUT MAKING A LIFE HERE, IN MEXICO ESTRELLA SAYS

ESTRELLA: VIVO EL DÍA A DÍA, 

MARIA: I’M TAKING IT DAY BY DAY. JUST AS ESTRELLA DID FOR THOSE 9 YEARS IN PRISON.

CREDITS

MARIA: THIS EPISODE OF LATINO USA AND FUTURO INVESTIGATES WAS PRODUCED BY REBECA IBARRA AND ROXANA AGUIRRE.

IT WAS EDITED BY OUR MANAGING EDITOR FERNANDA ECHAVARRI

ADDITIONAL PRODUCTION BY ROWAN MOORE GERETY AND GUILLERMO TEJEDA

MIXING BY STEPHANIE LEBOW AND JULIA CARUSO

FACT-CHECKING BY ARTURO ANGEL.

LEGAL REVIEW BY NEIL ROSINI

NANCY TRUJILLO IS OUR PRODUCTION MANAGER.

THE LATINO USA TEAM ALSO INCLUDES: REYNALDO LEAÑOS JR., GLORIMAR MARQUEZ, JULIETA MARTINELLI, AND LEVI SHARPE

PENILEY RAMIREZ AND I ARE CO-EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS

I’M YOUR HOST MARIA HINOJOSA.

“LATINO USA IS PART OF I-HEART’S MY CULTURA PODCAST NETWORK. EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS AT IHEART ARE LEO GOMEZ AND ARLENE SANTANA.

AND DON’T FORGET TO JOIN FUTURO+ TO LISTEN AD-FREE AND GET BONUS EPISODES AND SPECIAL VIRTUAL EVENTS. BY JOINING, YOU’LL SUPPORT THE KIND OF REPORTING THAT MAKES EPISODES LIKE THIS ONE POSSIBLE! SO THANK YOU!

CIAO!

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